if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
where does the pee come out of this thing
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
