My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
