Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
