I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
