oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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