we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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