I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
