After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
