2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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