Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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