Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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