how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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