I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
