I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
