He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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