its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
