you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
