Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
