i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
