when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
