My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He better not be in your backpack
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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