you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
