I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
