It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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