she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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