If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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