we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
