Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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