Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
