I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
