His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
