You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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