I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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