when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
