I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
