I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
