the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
zippers are such a cool invention
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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