I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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