I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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