Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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