something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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