Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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