I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
