honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
