I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
