she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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