I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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