Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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