just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
