my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
