two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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