i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
