Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
