Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
