Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
